2016 Goals

Happy 2016 everyone! I know I'm already a little late hopping on the 'new years resolution' train, as January is basically already halfway over (whaaa?). It's crazy how much time flies- 2015 was basically over in the blink of an eye, which I was actually totally OK with because 2015 was super shitty, to be completely honest. I struggled with depression and anxiety the majority of the year, which left me completely unmotivated and uninspired.

With that being said, I made a list of goals for 2016 that would hopefully steer me back towards being my creative, uninhibited self. I know it will be a struggle- my mental illness isn't going to just disappear because it's a new year- but I'm under some great treatment and I think I'll be able to cope much better.

2016 Goals!

This is the first on the list and one of the most important to me- I feel like my being is so tied to photography and speaking through photographs that when I slack on taking photos, I don't even feel like myself. I think I'm slowly starting to get back into it- I've been working on a photo series based on mental illness (I'm waiting to share it here until it's totally done), and I've already ventured outside with my camera a few times this year. Plus, I got an amazing new lens for Christmas that has me dying to try it out some more. And (as you can see in the photo), Skylar bought me an Instax Mini that I can't wait to use!

One of the things I really want to cut back on is social media. I'm not cutting it out at all- I actually want to use social media more, but I want to cut back my time mindlessly scrolling through facebook or instagram when I have way more productive things I could be doing. I have this habit of opening up facebook and spending hours just scrolling through my feed, even though I honestly don't care about most of the stuff I'm reading.

I absolutely let this blog go in 2015, and it's one of my biggest regrets. But now's the best time to get back into the swing of things, right? I actually have so many ideas for content, the biggest hurdle is getting the motivation together to make a great post. I think what's been holding me back the most is doubt- I will think of an idea or start working on something, and start to think "Man, this isn't good enough. No one will look at this, or even care about it." Obviously, that's toxic thinking. Plus, if I don't even try, then obviously I will get no where. I just need to push through!

I will be the first to admit that I am probably one of the worst cooks on the planet. And honestly, I don't even like cooking that much. I love eating, but usually I would much rather just go to a restaurant and have them cook me something delicious than to actually do it myself. But I guess I'm basically an "adult" now and cooking from scratch is something I really need to learn. I want to save money on food and start eating healthier, so cooking my own food will definitely help. Plus, I feel bad making Skylar always cook for us, haha!

Something I've discussed here and there is my new-found love of yoga. I love that yoga can be so many different things- I love using it to relax and meditate before bed, or as an invigorating workout in the middle of the day. Plus, as a dancer, I am always in need of something to keep my strength and flexibility up when I'm not in class, and yoga as proven to be the perfect thing.

Something that's been on my "to-do" list for years now is getting my photography business up and running for good. One of my big life dreams is to work from home on my own business, and I think that if I really work hard, I can get my little portrait business off the ground. Last year I was able to get some experience on different types of shoots- I worked with a 4-month old for the first time last summer, and I even shot my first wedding! Once the weather gets a little nicer, I can't wait to start doing some more shoots.

This is also something I've had on my list for ages, and that is to get (at least one) tattoo! I think the reason that I haven't got one yet is the fact that every tattoo idea that I would like to get done would cost more than what I could pay at the time. But I ended up getting a $300 gift certificate to an awesome tattoo shop for Christmas, so now I have no excuse! I already have what I want planned, now I just need to make the appointment!

When I get into a depressive episode, one of the first things that go out the window is my desire to create. Not only do I end up feeling overwhelmed at the possibilities, I usually end up feeling like whatever I create just isn't good enough. But I want to start creating just for me- to create as therapy rather than to ultimately show anyone. I want to start working more on my wreck this journal and making more DIY projects.

This goal should fully read "find happiness in the little things." When I get anxious or start having an anxiety attack, there are times where I feel like everything is horrible and I just can't stop focusing on what's making me anxious. I really want to try and start focusing on the happy moments- no matter how small. If I'm having a horrible day at work, for example, cracking a few jokes with a co-worker can instantly brighten my day. I just need to remember to focus on those little interactions instead.

And finally, I don't want to let my mental illness become an excuse or define me as a person. I allowed that to happen a lot in 2015, if you couldn't tell from reading this whole post. I know I'll be dealing with mental illness my whole life, and while I do want to talk about it more on this blog and "shed light" on my struggles if you will, I want to stop letting my anxiety define my actions. I know this will be hard, and it will require me to step out of my comfort zone on a lot of things, but I know that's what's necessary for recovery.

If you were able to read that whole ramble-y post, then bravo! I am excited for 2016 and what it will bring. I think it will definitely be a year of growth and change for sure. Wish me luck!

♥